The Fear of Reproval

I remember this.She blew it way out of proportion by using Airtime to address it. The man contacted her privately and addressed her in a respectful manner. Then she took so much offense to it that she labeled him a “bully” and wasted airtime to scrutinize him.

Read the full message that he sent her, he was not abrasive and he was not mocking her. In fact, he was very mature in his verbiage.
Personally I think it was unnecessary for him to say anything to her about her weight, and it was the boldness of it that struck her the hardest.

She is not obligated to provide an example for anyone. And she’s really not that big anyway, certainly not big enough to be at any “health risks”
I agree that he was out of line to try and place any responsibility on her for setting an example for others, but I disagree with her calling him a “bully” when he wasn’t. He did not cast aspersions on her in that message.

For her to compare being overweight to being Black is foolishness. No one is born overweight. You do work to get overweight, overtime. You make poor choices in your diet, and you eat to satisfy a craving, rather than to nourish the body. That’s a fact.

I empathize with her for feeling offended by his words, but they really weren’t offensive to begin with. What she should’ve done is addressed him privately, telling him that she is her own woman, and it is not her responsibility to be a role model for anyone but her own children, and that her weight, is her business.

If you’re smoking, and I say “Smoking corrodes your lungs. And over time it can lead to heart disease. You should really considered quitting.”
Does that sound like I’m putting you down? None of the man’s remarks were disparaging to her, she only perceived them to be offensive.

And despite what we are told, perception is NOT reality. What we think things are has no bearing on how they actually are.
Real bullying is abrupt and malicious. The intentional effort to hurt or humiliate someone.
He did not intend to hurt her, because he did not cast any aspersions. And he did not intend to humiliate her because what he warned her of (obesity) is a legitimate concern, and he approached her discretely.

It was she who decided to respond to him publicly, possibly in an effort to garner support. Are the hurtful, disrespectful, disparaging words that she spake about him count as “negative”? Or does spite make things acceptable?

As a person who was overweight for nearly 3/4 of my life so far, I know that for some people who are fat it’s not a struggle, it’s just lack of discipline.
I knew my choices were poor.

I knew that my portions were too much.

I knew I needed to get up and move around more.

But I didn’t want to, I wanted what I liked and what I had a craving for. I knew my plates were too full, but in my mind I wanted more than an average amount.

I used to say that it was a “struggle” for me, but in my heart I knew it only took action, will for me to get on the path to losing the pounds. So finally, after years of procrastinating, I said “I’m going to do it.” Then I started losing weight.

And then I went right back to eating whatever. So after getting on track, jumping off track, then getting back on track: I finally got on track and stayed on it.
I began portioning my meals

I began drinking more Spring water

I avoided sugars, greasy foods, and starch.

I began walking more and parking further away.
Most of all, I used a form of psychological alchemy, and changed my thought patterns. No longer thinking of what I’d “like” to have, encouraging the temptation.

You know how people say “I only did because someone said that I couldn’t”? Well I used that same mentality, except I was the one who said “I can’t!”

So I had to defy myself.

Inappropriate, that’s the word I was looking for! It was inappropriate for him to tell her that she’s responsible for the influence of little girls (which she is not) and it was equally as inappropriate for her to respond to him publicly on air, no less.

She claimed that his words had no affect on her, but if that were true then she wouldn’t have called them “hurtful” it’s possible that she may be sensitive about her size, which is the opposite of self esteem.

If your okay with being skinny, or okay with being fat, or okay with being chubby, or okay with being fit: then don’t let messages like that offend you. If you’re not okay with whatever you are, then be honest about it. Stop pretending to be confident if you aren’t actually confident.

If she’s living and breathing and is content with her state of health whatever it may be, then she needn’t place any consideration on the words of others. I won’t patronize her as a victim because he did not attack her verbally.

I remember being called names: that is hurtful. Imagine a someone refusing to go out with you because your heavier than they are: that is hurtful. Someone telling me “You’ve got to take care of yourself.” is not hurtful.

And when I was told that, I did take offense to it but now, after maturing and gaining humility: I see that it was immature of me to take offense where there was none given.

I was younger than she is when this happened, and I didn’t have a society of SJWs patronizers blow smoke for me. I had to develop true self confidence in knowing who I was on the inside. My spirit, my compassion, my humility, and my integrity.

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