Category Archives: Blessed

In The Company of Dignity

Recently, professional wrestler & pod-caster supreme, Mr. Colt Cabana released an episode of his podcast ‘Art of Wrestling’ featuring one of my three favorite people & favorite-favorite wrestlers. I finally got to listen to it, and now I’m going to give my invaluable perspective on it.

I’ve been inspired by this individual (his guest) she has been extremely kind to me and forgiven me when I was a different person. After listening to what she has gone through, the trails and adversity she’s had to face and how she has dealt with it all: I now know why The Creator brought her to my attention nearly five years ago. Let’s just say that we have more in common than I thought. She has this humility and integrity that I don’t see so often, she and the other two who I hope will be interviewed by Mr. C. someday.

To face such ignorance from people that don’t even know her, and so much aspersion from people who’ve never even met her, and still maintain this dignity and maturity that she does: is nothing short of inspiring. She doesn’t know it, but she has inspired me to being more mature & less disagreeable. She’s been a real blessing, as the others have but with her there’s this commonality that exists.

Please check out this episode of ‘Art of Wrestling’ so far it is my favorite since Mr. Punk’s first sit-down. Major props to this lady, this wonderful spirit enclosed in an amazing body (hope that didn’t sound creeptacular) and my endless respect.

Art of Wrestling: Episode 338

Watashi No Tenshi

Today I say a hashtag trending on a popular social media site, which lead me to write this. The hashtag was entitled “World Suicide Prevention Day” and I thought my story (shortened for ingest-ability) even at the risk of sounding “obsessive and scary” to some.

I have attempted suicide more than once, oddly enough it doesn’t quite work like a film dramatization would have you believe. With a striped-wrist, I am still here praise “God” (The Infinite Spirit) and I don’t feel like I’m repulsive to everyone, anymore. But during a very dark time I felt as such because I was treated as such. I was betrayed by a friend of twelve years during a time where I felt like giving up.

To shorten this long story, I’ll just skip to the part where she told her colleague that she was “Afraid for her life” which makes perfect sense because who wouldn’t be afraid of someoneĀ  while pretending to be friends for twelve years, right? A shy fat guy who’s sweet and respectful, always telling you to “Have a good rest of the day!” when he’s leaving, and always speaking well of you when your coworkers are saying you don’t know what you’re doing or how you got your job. Yeah that sounds like a real horrifying person there. It’s a wonder how he didn’t rape your soul with his brutish meekness.

Forgive my sarcasm, but that hurt me greatly. So, suicide attempt, then suicide watch, then lots of crying, then no intervention what’s so ever because black folks don’t believe “in’nat mess” But it is said that every loss is room for a new gain (or maybe I just said it) that same season I lost my friendship, I met three women (virtually) who would turn out to each have something about them that was in-common with me.

Couple that with each of them being kind to me and allowing me to speak to them, treating me like a human being with dignity, and not-being repulsed by my generosity and presuming some kind of ulterior-motiveĀ  I felt like these people actually cared. This is when I realized something: Suicide, as much as it seems like an act of relief, is actually a hindrance to achieving your desired goal.

For instance, my goal was to find people my age who liked me and were ginuenly interested in me. Failing to find that was the problem, along with feeling like I eas not-liked and uninteresting. Taking my own life would be an extreme emotional response, an impulsive response at that. It would not help me acheive that goal. This is the truth that I realized, along with the harsh fact that some people are apathetic and they don’t like you, and are not interested in you. This is difficult to accept for a spirit like me, because there are certain people that I gravitate to but the feeling isn’t always mutual.


So to sum this up, suicide will not help you to acheive your desired goal. It will only prevent you from ever getting what you ultimately want. And this is coming from a person who was terminally ill, which suicide seemed merciful.



Blessed Torment

There’s a Fan out there in cyberspace who just loves the people he follows. He spends his free time (often putting others aside to make more) working on gestures to show his adoration. Drawings, edited music videos, entire blog entries, and even craft works like figurines et-cetera.

At first the Fan was acknowledged for his efforts, something he didn’t take for granted as he so wants to express his adoring of the them. Then suddenly, as the Fan began to rush the completion of a music video for them that he’d been working on (on and off) for months, he completed it and shared it to his beloved favorite, but to response.

The fan thought perhaps they were too busy, and needed more time, but time passed and with out response. This reminded the Fan just how world renown his beloved already was, and how easily the notification of his video could easily become lost in a sea of more important notifications of the beloved favorite. So he would send again, and then again, and then again, but nothing. He became confused, and worried.

During this time the Fan would see others sending to his beloved favorite, and quite often they would be acknowledged. The Fan tried to brush this off as coincidence, but the more frequent it became, and the more he noticed that every single attempt he made had failed to be acknowledged, the more hurt he became. He thought: “What did I do?”
Prior to this time he and his favorite had rapport that he cherished, and enjoyed to the fullest. Feeling a kinship in characteristics like their adoration for children, and compassion, and their love for artistry, for instance.

The Fan was quite elated with his beloved favorite, and constantly prayed in thanks for having a cyber-friendship on social media with them. Something he always wanted since watching his beloved favorite perform their respective craft, but was afraid to express verbally after being labeled as “creepy” for doing so to another whom he adored. The Fan already knew that the world wasn’t too keen on empathy, and it saw empathy as weird and strange because everyone was so used to cynicism and apathy. But he was determined to keep that common perception from changing his individual spirit.

The Fan continued to work, often sick and ill from his near-two decades of Glomerulonephritis, tirelessly trying to press through and show his beloved favorite, not just “how much” he adored “them” but how purely he adored his beloved favorite. He wanted to show how he appreciates them, and even though he merely likes other practitioners of their craft he adored three in particular. He continued, but still without avail.

Although it hurt the Fan to feel singled-out for what seemed like neglect, he remained devoted to his beloved favorite often focusing all of his efforts on them. His philosophy was that of integrity, as he thought to do so much or sake of his love and respect for them, rather than for attention and acknowledgments. His beloved favorite would certainly put this philosophy to the test, as soon the weeks turned into months and the fan looked back and saw no responses what so ever, all while continuing to see other receive.

The Fan wanted desperately to please his beloved favorite with his art, or his visionary editing efforts. He even wanted to amuse them with esoterically coded blog writings, but each time no idea rather it was received. 

He began to move into a much needed return to prayer and fasting, using the torment he felt, as fuel to press through the difficulty of pursuing his physical goals. He would speak to his Creator daily, asking for just one sign that his beloved appreciated his work, or even thought him to be swell.

As of this very moment he remains in the most tried of faith, as he waits.

A Vessel of TriPolarity

 For about three-plus years I have watched an athelete transform herself through characteristic metamorphosis, and divide herself into three personas. This is not an easy feat, and it requires great alchemical knowledge.

Only a spirit of the most immaculate creativity could perform at such a high calibur.

In the beginning, the young child sought to rock her way into solving the aged puzzle of antiquity in squaring the circle. She faced brutish opposition, and obscure detraction but she did not give up.

Literary legend connotes an inspiration from the beloved southwestern heritage but this is only known to her. Continuing her progression, she made strides in furthering her magnetic allure. Many windows were opened, many inhabitants complied. A demand became evident.

It is unknown what disruption occurred but the young child would come into the space of a young adult, were she would notice an overthrowing was needed in order to alter the construct of her surroundings. And thus, an urgent haste of strong flowing energy, grace, skill, and purity had grown.

From northern to western, and from eastern to uncharted areas the young adult would carry herself from one realm to another. Solidifying herself as the epitome of magnetism, soon gaining the attention of the solitarius one. Deeming her to be a goddess of pure independence.

After creating a creating a respected reputation for herself, the now young woman’s light would waver softly among the gaze of countless Windows. Her flesh would violently break into pieces-any form of opposition, no matter how brutish of experienced they were. What would lay in wait for the young woman?

Poised and prepared to make an effect or influence in the heavily critiqued but passionate southern realm, a new necessity for her alchemic wisdom had arrived. The young woman would shape her virtue, and create her own absence of light.

And now, the infinitely adored elite goddess of independence strongly holds the reins of her three forms with humility, grace, and integrity.

Out of the Abundance

I frequent Social Media sites such as Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube. These sites allow individual users to connect and communicate with one another, with such means as Text, Video, and Direct Messaging. Most people on these sites tend to use Aliases or nicknames to identify themselves among the public.

This format is often used by celebrities in order to have an open connection with their fans, admirers, and also their critics, and hecklers. I follow the athletes and the musicians whom I consider to be my most favorite and my own personally admired.
I’ve been doing this for about four years, and originally I intended my Twitter page to be dedicated to my Gaming Profile, and only used for Game related topics. But something changed, when I discovered Independent Wrestling.

At the time of this discovery, I had only recently began watching Professional Wrestling again, after a lengthy hiatus brought about by the repulsion of vulgarity and crudeness in the content of a major televised promotion.
What drew me to this fresh and new Indy Circuit, was stumbling across a few young wrestlers who were dressed up as video game characters, two of whom where my favorite Capcom characters. One was The Strongest Woman in the World, one had on Zelda colors, and the other was a Member of S.T.A.R.S. I was intrigued, to say the very least.

After doing some extensive research on them, via Internet search, I began watching their matches and following them on the Social Media sites, consistently gaining interest in their respective craft, and noticing a clear difference in what they were doing, versus what I had seen others do before the hiatus. To shorten this long story, I’ll just say that over the course of a year, I became a die hard Independent Wrestling fan, and an avid admirer of these three women.

Today, I am blessed to have communication with them, and I’ve even gone back to drawing and editing because of them, constantly making stuff to show my adoration for them. I am thankful for these athletes, these people, these professionals. Their kindness, tireless efforts, and empathy to those of us who may be a little different, is truly a testament to their integrity and their humility.

So, which this blog entry I would like to say to them, if they get time to read this (super-duper busy, they are) thank you guys for being you.

Love ya, sincerely “A guy named after fruit.” ^_^

Greatful, Blessed, and Weak.

Been in the Hospital with Stroke, Seizures, near Heart Failure, and nobody on Social Media gave a crap except for an amazing wonderful beautiful and kind woman on Twitter (two, in fact) but the people who I expected to care just didn’t notice I guess. Oh well, I still love them anyway.
After nearly Bleeding to death & rushed to the ER like a movie scene, I have yet another reason to Praise The Creator for his mercy and for Medical Professionals.