Category Archives: Humility

In The Company of Dignity

Recently, professional wrestler & pod-caster supreme, Mr. Colt Cabana released an episode of his podcast ‘Art of Wrestling’ featuring one of my three favorite people & favorite-favorite wrestlers. I finally got to listen to it, and now I’m going to give my invaluable perspective on it.


I’ve been inspired by this individual (his guest) she has been extremely kind to me and forgiven me when I was a different person. After listening to what she has gone through, the trails and adversity she’s had to face and how she has dealt with it all: I now know why The Creator brought her to my attention nearly five years ago. Let’s just say that we have more in common than I thought. She has this humility and integrity that I don’t see so often, she and the other two who I hope will be interviewed by Mr. C. someday.

To face such ignorance from people that don’t even know her, and so much aspersion from people who’ve never even met her, and still maintain this dignity and maturity that she does: is nothing short of inspiring. She doesn’t know it, but she has inspired me to being more mature & less disagreeable. She’s been a real blessing, as the others have but with her there’s this commonality that exists.


Please check out this episode of ‘Art of Wrestling’ so far it is my favorite since Mr. Punk’s first sit-down. Major props to this lady, this wonderful spirit enclosed in an amazing body (hope that didn’t sound creeptacular) and my endless respect.

Art of Wrestling: Episode 338

Levy’s Perrier

Some of us who are the most lovable, are hurting the most inside. We are tormented. We are such an unconditional love, we share it with the world but the world can be so apathetic. We get hurt because we share our love, the empathy that the world is afraid to embrace. They spit it back at us, and chew us out and bite our head off.

But please don’t let this discourage you, if you’re a so-called “Empath” please don’t let this world change you. Don’t deny your empathy, as a means of “survival” or self-preservation. Don’t be afraid to be completely selfless. Our ability to bear the pain and hurt from being so affectionate and open, is what separates us from the heartless. It is our true strength.

​Learn to alchemize the pain they willfully induce, and if you say you love them then let that love be stronger than their fear. Let it be unwavering, no matter how much it hurts. Don’t ever let their apathy, which is the start of hatred, don’t ever let it dictate your empathy, which is the start of love.


​​

The Reverent 

I was taught gossip is wrong, so instead of talking about others, I talk about Myself, and we discuss Me. I’ve been referring to myself in the since my youth, it’s lighthearted and doesn’t insult anyone. For a society that’s always shouting “Who are you to judge?” I get judged all the time.

It’s confusing. First they say “Be yourself, don’t let anyone define you!” But then they tell you that you’re this & you’re that, and you’re made to feel abject. Some people tell me not to worry about being scolded, that it’s not me but rather the person scolding.

I already felt emasculated after that bully of a relative came over with her son and pushed me around for using an expletive in a phone conversation with a different person. Yeah, that’s how Ultra-Sensitive Confrontational & Racist Black Women tend to act. They think they can be as obnoxious, noses, and abrasive as they want, and the world has to acquiesce to them because – Black Queen. Get over yourself.

It bothered me to be pushed around by an older female and her partially-autistic son whom I helped raise since they moved in the area twenty years ago. This was back in October, and even though I wasn’t hearing much from my adored at the time (now I know why) I was able to get through this because the very site of her on a video, or a picture posted online was elating to me. I tweeted that lyric to her and the other two once: “As soon as you came in, all the beast went away.” Now I’ve learned that she probably thought that was creepy and/or pathetic.​

I try to go on about my days, pretending to be okay but the truth is that peace I had while thinking she was okay with me, that all three are okay with me: I can’t feel it anymore. Every day, I well up in tears. What’s worse than being hated by those you adore? Being meaningless to them.​​​ ​​

But there is hope, The Creator is hope. And he will show my adored that all of my intentions were positive, and all of my actions were not malicious. The world, my family, and some random people may hate me, or they may see me as meaningless. But those three, so long as those three are okay with me, I am blessed.

Angry Babies

Hi everyone, I’ve miss you all.

As I program the move-set for my Beloved Favorite, the Immaculate Daemon, I was quickened to write this blog about confrontational people. To be clear, she is not confrontational, she is actually an inspiration for me. It’s her positive spirit that has helped me cope with a recent incident whereby which I was emasculated by a relative who (along with their mouth their mother) cornered me in my own home, and after a dialysis treatment no-less.

The two relatives were angry towards me because one of them overheard me use an expletive as I ended a phone conversation with a different person. That’s right, this black woman is so entitled and so haughty that she feels she has a right to be offended when overhearing someone say the words ” Ugh! Don’t (expletive) with me (Entitled’s name) ” which were not even spoken to her, but to another person, and over the phone at that.

She immediately called me and told me that she would “I’ll deal with you when I get there!” and then drove with anger and contempt for thirty minutes to my home, confronted me and had her son threaten me with physical violence. Because he felt that his mother was “disrespected” and he felt that interpretation gave him the right to be physically violent towards another person.

This has made me think about how quick many black males are to fight, especially when their maternal parents are loosely involved. In many cases black males are conditioned to view their mothers as special and entitled to exaltation above all other people’s rights, but they are not. Even if she were directly spoken to, she and her son had no right to physically confront or threaten me (or anyone else) over words. This urge to confront people physically as a retaliation to verbal interaction, is immature and dishonorable to say the least.

Say you beat someone up for talking about your mother, what now? You feel like a big man? You feel like you defended your helpless loud-mouthed racist mother? Is your ego pumped now? What does a black WhiteKnight do after such an accomplishment? Instead defending obnoxious, disparaging, arrogant, bigoted behavior in women perhaps we should discourage it.

I have entitled this blog entry as ‘Angry Babies’ because of the childish nature in being quick to fight over words, and being easily offended over speech. There were civil rights activists who bore sheer brutality from bigots, and those activists never lifted a hand in retaliation. They were truly godly and their meekness was more powerful than the militant aggressors.

I am thankful to The Creator, The Infinite Spirit for making me an Indigo. We don’t hurt others, and we don’t have anything to prove to anyone. Some of us may hurt ourselves but we do not cross that line and hurt others.

Humble Yourself: An Open Letter

Hello Ms. Hensley

I say a screenshot of your tweet from April and immediately recognized your story from some recent refutations that I’ve read. And I needed to say this to you in hopes of doing right by those with PTSD.

As a small child I was sexually abused by my mother, I remember her having me touch her in ways that made I thought were weird. This was the mid-to-late 80’s so I had to be around five. I lived with her for the first seven years of my life before being placed in a more appropriate environment. She also physically abused me, whipping me for things like becoming ill in class, and giving me alcohol and taking me with her to the “crack house”

I have a memory of drinking one half of a half glass of Malt Liquor, then suddenly waking up on a dirty bed with a headache: I was age 10, I remember because Mortal Kombat II (my favorite) was featured in Electronic Gaming Monthly. She used to hide pornographic magazines under my bed. I didn’t understand why they were all magazines of naked women until later in life.

I remember often watching her putting what I thought were little pieces of peanuts, into a bent beer can with little holes punched in the center. Then she’d be really tired and her eyes looked like she didn’t feel good. I was under the age of six, I know because I had a Pocket Rocker with ‘Psudia’ on one side, and ‘I can feel it coming in the air tonight’ on the other side.

I won’t elaborate on her studying of Witchcraft and those heavy books she used to sit down and have me read with her. I won’t elaborate on her teaching me about “the master”. And I won’t elaborate on her taking my forty dollars that my dad (who passed away this past year) gave me. I watched her spiral down into what people today would call rock bottom. Back then people didn’t teach kids to be so vocal, and they weren’t as informed as they are now.

I’ve been through a lot of trails and tribulations in my life. By the age of thirteen I had become an alcoholic. I thought I was the only one but then I heard one of my crushes, Ms. Barrymore had the same burden in her pubescent years.

I blew out my kidneys at that age, and began what would be an eighteen year tour of Dialysis, multiple Surgeries, an agonizing amount of physical, psychological, and spiritual pain, losing, regaining, and questioning the “faith” that I was given after being put into a different household. 

I have been outcasted, betrayed by the one woman I thought to be like a sister to me, so much so that I called her “Sis” and we were friends for twelve years before she turned on me and began ignoring me after I became suicidal and made an attempt. I was a “cutter” since age eight, I’ve no tattoos but I have more scars than I have books.

I say all of that to say this: I am thankful to The Creator for everything that I just mentioned (and that which I did not mention) because these experiences have humbled me. They torment me, they inform me, but they have also humbled me. My ADHD and my anxiety attacks keep me from ever being bored. When I read your tweets on a screenshot of a Facebook Page, I thought to myself: “PTSD from name calling?”

In school I was overweight and was not only called names, but also groped by black kids (who mocked me the most) and teased often about how fat I was. And although I still think it was bad, and I think it’s fair to say I was bullied to a degree, I would not say that I was given PTSD from it. That is an insult to the people who’ve been tortured, or raped, or stalked.

I take offense to your tweets because it’s unfair to those of us who have suffered. Those of us who have met lucifer through the wickedness of people in this life. Those of us who have been shaped, who have been humbled by suffering in our respective lives. 

I don’t know what you’ve been through, it could’ve been worse than what I have, or not as bad as what I have: but if you haven’t, if you haven’t experienced anything like that and you’re just saying that name calling is traumatic for you, please stop.

I don’t know if you’re doing this for spite, or for a sociological experiment in an effort to see how people will react, weeding out the apathetic, but you are inadvertently disparaging the real PTSD victims in this society. Those who have legit suffered and are reminded of it.
– B.

The Fear of Reproval

I remember this.She blew it way out of proportion by using Airtime to address it. The man contacted her privately and addressed her in a respectful manner. Then she took so much offense to it that she labeled him a “bully” and wasted airtime to scrutinize him.

Read the full message that he sent her, he was not abrasive and he was not mocking her. In fact, he was very mature in his verbiage.
Personally I think it was unnecessary for him to say anything to her about her weight, and it was the boldness of it that struck her the hardest.

She is not obligated to provide an example for anyone. And she’s really not that big anyway, certainly not big enough to be at any “health risks”
I agree that he was out of line to try and place any responsibility on her for setting an example for others, but I disagree with her calling him a “bully” when he wasn’t. He did not cast aspersions on her in that message.

For her to compare being overweight to being Black is foolishness. No one is born overweight. You do work to get overweight, overtime. You make poor choices in your diet, and you eat to satisfy a craving, rather than to nourish the body. That’s a fact.

I empathize with her for feeling offended by his words, but they really weren’t offensive to begin with. What she should’ve done is addressed him privately, telling him that she is her own woman, and it is not her responsibility to be a role model for anyone but her own children, and that her weight, is her business.

If you’re smoking, and I say “Smoking corrodes your lungs. And over time it can lead to heart disease. You should really considered quitting.”
Does that sound like I’m putting you down? None of the man’s remarks were disparaging to her, she only perceived them to be offensive.

And despite what we are told, perception is NOT reality. What we think things are has no bearing on how they actually are.
Real bullying is abrupt and malicious. The intentional effort to hurt or humiliate someone.
He did not intend to hurt her, because he did not cast any aspersions. And he did not intend to humiliate her because what he warned her of (obesity) is a legitimate concern, and he approached her discretely.

It was she who decided to respond to him publicly, possibly in an effort to garner support. Are the hurtful, disrespectful, disparaging words that she spake about him count as “negative”? Or does spite make things acceptable?

As a person who was overweight for nearly 3/4 of my life so far, I know that for some people who are fat it’s not a struggle, it’s just lack of discipline.
I knew my choices were poor.

I knew that my portions were too much.

I knew I needed to get up and move around more.

But I didn’t want to, I wanted what I liked and what I had a craving for. I knew my plates were too full, but in my mind I wanted more than an average amount.

I used to say that it was a “struggle” for me, but in my heart I knew it only took action, will for me to get on the path to losing the pounds. So finally, after years of procrastinating, I said “I’m going to do it.” Then I started losing weight.

And then I went right back to eating whatever. So after getting on track, jumping off track, then getting back on track: I finally got on track and stayed on it.
I began portioning my meals

I began drinking more Spring water

I avoided sugars, greasy foods, and starch.

I began walking more and parking further away.
Most of all, I used a form of psychological alchemy, and changed my thought patterns. No longer thinking of what I’d “like” to have, encouraging the temptation.

You know how people say “I only did because someone said that I couldn’t”? Well I used that same mentality, except I was the one who said “I can’t!”

So I had to defy myself.

Inappropriate, that’s the word I was looking for! It was inappropriate for him to tell her that she’s responsible for the influence of little girls (which she is not) and it was equally as inappropriate for her to respond to him publicly on air, no less.

She claimed that his words had no affect on her, but if that were true then she wouldn’t have called them “hurtful” it’s possible that she may be sensitive about her size, which is the opposite of self esteem.

If your okay with being skinny, or okay with being fat, or okay with being chubby, or okay with being fit: then don’t let messages like that offend you. If you’re not okay with whatever you are, then be honest about it. Stop pretending to be confident if you aren’t actually confident.

If she’s living and breathing and is content with her state of health whatever it may be, then she needn’t place any consideration on the words of others. I won’t patronize her as a victim because he did not attack her verbally.

I remember being called names: that is hurtful. Imagine a someone refusing to go out with you because your heavier than they are: that is hurtful. Someone telling me “You’ve got to take care of yourself.” is not hurtful.

And when I was told that, I did take offense to it but now, after maturing and gaining humility: I see that it was immature of me to take offense where there was none given.

I was younger than she is when this happened, and I didn’t have a society of SJWs patronizers blow smoke for me. I had to develop true self confidence in knowing who I was on the inside. My spirit, my compassion, my humility, and my integrity.

Xeriscape Humility

I’ve been using Social Media for over seven years now, and I have seen all types of expression and proclamation. People proudly display their Tattoos, Piercings, Cosmetics Surgical Alterations, and even Body Modifications. But as soon as someone looks at my personal stripes: suddenly I’m “mentally ill”

This is hypocrisy. To ostracize us for our personal stripes, but accolade the Tattooed as “beautiful” and “unique” (although it has become a trend) is a Double Standard.

I have personal stripes because sometimes the torment is too much. I’m very affectionate, and I met two people that fulfilled that which was missing, but both of them are very busy and have little time for me. Actually one of them seems like they only acknowledge me in private.

I’m impulsive, emotional, awkward, compassionate, empathetic, inquisitive, skeptical, and I love Deftones. But I’m also extremely tormented by not only the past, and my current state of health, but also the present and my lack of friendship from the few people whom I adore. One of which who stabbed me in the back, the other two are the afore mentioned Busy People (but I think they do like me, at least I hope so)

Some of us in this world have been hurt (in the worst ways) but not all of us choose to hurt others, some of us just turn inward, to ourselves.