The Reverent 

I was taught gossip is wrong, so instead of talking about others, I talk about Myself, and we discuss Me. I’ve been referring to myself in the since my youth, it’s lighthearted and doesn’t insult anyone. For a society that’s always shouting “Who are you to judge?” I get judged all the time.

It’s confusing. First they say “Be yourself, don’t let anyone define you!” But then they tell you that you’re this & you’re that, and you’re made to feel abject. Some people tell me not to worry about being scolded, that it’s not me but rather the person scolding.

I already felt emasculated after that bully of a relative came over with her son and pushed me around for using an expletive in a phone conversation with a different person. Yeah, that’s how Ultra-Sensitive Confrontational & Racist Black Women tend to act. They think they can be as obnoxious, noses, and abrasive as they want, and the world has to acquiesce to them because – Black Queen. Get over yourself.

It bothered me to be pushed around by an older female and her partially-autistic son whom I helped raise since they moved in the area twenty years ago. This was back in October, and even though I wasn’t hearing much from my adored at the time (now I know why) I was able to get through this because the very site of her on a video, or a picture posted online was elating to me. I tweeted that lyric to her and the other two once: “As soon as you came in, all the beast went away.” Now I’ve learned that she probably thought that was creepy and/or pathetic.​

I try to go on about my days, pretending to be okay but the truth is that peace I had while thinking she was okay with me, that all three are okay with me: I can’t feel it anymore. Every day, I well up in tears. What’s worse than being hated by those you adore? Being meaningless to them.​​​ ​​

But there is hope, The Creator is hope. And he will show my adored that all of my intentions were positive, and all of my actions were not malicious. The world, my family, and some random people may hate me, or they may see me as meaningless. But those three, so long as those three are okay with me, I am blessed.

The Rising Elite

Although I’ve written about this for a few years already, I’d like to talk about it now. How “women’s wrestling” rekindled my love for professional wrestling. I put quotations on the phrase because I am one who prefers to call it wrestling only. I don’t use the term “diva” either, as wrestler is enough.

These females are equal, some better, and some worse than the male wrestlers. So I don’t use a different term to imply that it’s a different concept. But, I do tend to favor the women more so than the men, but that’s because it has always been my preference to see strong women portrayed. I’ve seen many strong men, so it’s more of a commonality, making strong women more exotic to mainstream.

As a small child I loved wrestling, but I drifted away from it. Ironically during the time a certain video game was released in nineteen-ninety two. I stopped watching, and developed a disdain for it. Keep in mind, I was not aware of independent wrestling at the time. Fast forward about three or four years, and I’m playing a video game entitled ‘WrestleMania’ ironically developed by the same company who made the aforementioned fighting game that accompanied my withdrawal from wrestling.

I became interested and was informed that I could see these characters every Monday night. Flipping through the channels one Monday evening, I came across a blonde-haired woman suplexing a Japanese woman with very tall hair. I became intrigued. For he next six years, I would swear by wrestling but the majority of them would be male. My favorite was The Hitman, whom I saw as “Real” in comparison to the others.

I would faithfully enjoy this thing called wrestling, right up until I began seeing things that I found distasteful and uncomfortable to watch. I sat through necrophilia, sodomy, simulated sexual assault, and even the extraction of a hand from the vaginal cavity of an elderly woman. All of with I personally found to be disgusting, I remained a faithful viewer, ready to defend it at the drop of a hat. But it was the moment I saw The Innovator of Violence eat a handful of his own vomit, that I asked myself: “Why am I watching this?”

Fast forward several years later, and having been away from it but only watching the big pay-per-view matches, I saw a man who captured my attention. He had initials for a first name, and professed himself to be drug free. I began watching again briefly, and was surprised (and relieved in a way) to see a different atmosphere. More focus on wrestling, and less interest in grossing me out. I was pleased, but not as enthusiastic as I once was.
Low and behold, during a very (very) dark time in my life, I went searching for “Chun-Li Cosplays” on YouTube one day. I found a video of 5he character in a wrestling ring, the light ray emerged, and the angelic harmony could be heard. What was this? I had discovered Independent Wrestling.

Watching that Chun-Li match lead me to something called Shine Wrestling, which lead me to something called Shimmer. My life was literally changed, as I now felt even more enthusiastic about professional wrestling than I did years ago. These women were amazing, so athletic, so fast, so skilled, so creative. Their style, their ingenuity, their personas, I was overwhelmed by it all. Three became my favorites in particular. I don’t want to put them on the spot here because two of them are quite scary, and the other is like Sarah Connor.

For almost five years now, I have been watching all of these women whom I’ve dubbed ‘Indy Goddesses’ because they embody the purest sense of independence in their craft. Thanks to these women, my love for this craft of professional wrestling has become absolute. They have shown me an authenticity that up until five years ago, I didn’t know existed. So, I have had the pleasure and privilege of watching independent wrestling (the purest form of wrestling) unfurl and continuously gain recognition.

The Deft Ones of Their Craft

As a lifelong (nearly) fan/admirer of the craft that is Professional Wrestling, I have seen many different practitioners perform. Many from the brilliance of their own creative mind, and some with the inspiration of others. Some original, and some eclectic, but usually noticeable in some manner be it positively, or negatively.

As a fan I had to learn my place especially on Social Media, and realize that I needed to address and approach them as their personas. Some fans might use the phrase “playing along” but I am reluctant to out of respect to this being the wrestler’s livelihood (or significant hobby) in fact, the wrestlers I adore are independent and it is most definitely their livelihood, rather than just a “for fun only” hobby. Lord knows I try to keep from overstepping my boundaries, but I’m afraid I slip up every known and then.

But thankfully, I have had the blessed pleasure of interacting with the very mature, very dignified and humble people. People who, despite having “blue checks”, still haven’t let their success go to their heads. They haven’t lost touch with reality, humanity, and their integrity, even the one that gets super-deep into character. She gets so deep into character, satan has to look down at her. But you know what, she is one of the most pleasantly thoughtful people I have ever virtually-met.

She knows how to remain her person and separate that from her professional personal, and that’s one of (if not the) most wonderful attributes about Professional Wrestlers. Of course it’s fun to maintain a character during an unexpected time, I do it quite often myself.
But sometimes you enjoy seeing your favorite being normal. I’ll never forget that picture of Luna Vachon driving a truck. I remember thinking: “God she’s beautiful, and just a normal lady!” That was some years ago, but today I get to see that still.

Let’s take two of my three favorite-favorites for example, one of whom I mentioned previously as getting so deep into character. One of them is frightening, and the other is horrifying. They both give me the feeling that my days are number, and certain death is imminent. But you know what, these are two of the kindest, generous, forgiving, empathetic people.

The third’s persona isn’t really known for intimidation, but when she’s crossed, folks get crucified. She doesn’t have a mean-streak, she has a mean reckoning when she gets good & ready. I won’t name these three, ’cause I’m too young to die, but they know who they are. 🌹 😜 💀

An Unveiled Portent

I’d like to talk about a very popular television program that is currently airing on the AMC Network. At first I refused to watch this program because I had no general interest in it, and I wasn’t about to watch it just because seemingly “everyone” else was.

But one day, after hearing a friend and fellow self-professed “geek” speak of it, I began viewing the program in hopes of being able to converse with her about it. I’d like to talk about an observation that I’ve noticed in the program.

The program is centered around the ghoulish creatures of folklore known as “Zombies” but are cleverly never referred to as such throughout the program’s dialogue. My observation is that the true “monsters” of this story are not these ghouls, in fact the true monsters, the true terrorizers are the humans.

Watching the show carefully, you will see that the ghouls are acting on impulse and without legitimate coherency. But the humans are capable of decision-making, they chose malevolence out of a hastily concluded idea of survival. They believe that if they do not kill first, or extort basic necessities, they won’t survive.

But this is only true with certain types of people, and those are the truly desperate and feral types. Since the people are consumed with fear, and have no way of knowing rather or not an oncoming stranger is civil or feral, they utilize a subdue-first/ question-later approach. You see this consistently throughout the program’s story.

The humans would get much more done in the way of survival and preservation if they did not forsake their humanity. But I think this program is a strong testament to humanity’s destruction of itself through irrationality, brought on by fear. The fear of extinction. You may have heard it said that “Fear is stronger than love.” but I submit to you, the reader, that fear and love are only as strong as their wielder.

Although I do not personally enjoy the program, it is considered captivating to its audience and I do find it intriguing from an observational standpoint. The program recently aired one of its most reactive episodes which induced quite the shock from its loyal viewers.

An episode featuring a pervasively-disturbing sequence attesting to the level of depravity that humanity could sink to, in that particular setting of insufficiency.

Raising A Standard

First I must say that my love for women’s wrestling goes back to Ms. Luna Vachon, Alundra Blayze, & Sensation Sherri. I prefer not to imply a differentiation between men wrestling & women wrestling by calling it “Women’s Wrestling”
So as an egalitarian I’d rather just call it “wrestling” because it’s no better or worse than men’s wrestling. For now they have a division in many companies but I’d rather see them incorporated into the main roster of this specific promotion.

Tonight’s wrestling match featuring Sasha, Beck, and Charlotte was my prayers finally being answers for WWE’s female wrestlers. For the longest I’ve yearned for more wrestling and less titillation, and lengthier matches with a duration no less than 15 minutes at a time.

But most of all I wanted the women to be referred to as women, and not “Divas”. The word “woman” is exaltation enough on its own. Tonight’s match delivered all of those prayers. It was intense, unpredictable, and extremely fulfilling to me as a wrestling fan. The only minuscule grievance I had was crowning an already current title holder as 1st Ever Champion.

My proverbial arms aren’t strong enough to take anything away from Charlotte (or her lineage of excellence & flair😉😮) so not to rain on her reign, but it would’ve been nice to see a newly crowned champion, allowing either Becky or Sasha to have a great story to tell. If Charlotte were not already champion then it would’ve been exciting to see anyone of the three crowned 1st Women’s Champion

For the longest I’ve yearned for more wrestling and less titillation, and lengthier matches with a duration no less than 15 minutes at a time. Tonight’s match delivered all of those yearnings: intense, unpredictable, and extremely fulfilling to me as a wrestling fan. The only minuscule grievance I had was crowning an already current title holder as 1st Ever Champion.

It should either have been Becky, or Sasha to have had a great wrestlemania title-winning moment to tell. Superb match, but slightly (very slightly) gipped on the outcome. It did not ruin the match in the least bit, and Charlotte having won by interference from Flair made sense but I think it would’ve been great to see her win it completely on her own.

I say it’s about time we stop parading these women as eye candy, and start putting them out into that ring dressed practically (to wrestle, not to titillate) and let them execute the craft that they love so much.

Patience Required

I am not content with my life.
For the past twenty years, I have been sick with Glomerulonephritis, which is commonly known as End-Stage Renal Failure, and I am not happy with my daily routine. Day in and day out it’s the same tedious redundancy:

– I take care of an elderly woman out of empathy for her suffering. She selflessly devoted her life to me years ago, saving me from an enviroment of drugs, domestic abuse, and sexual abuse. So there’s no way im going to leave her to some caretaker.

– I go to dialysis, and deal with obnoxious stereotypical blacks, cynical unpleasant old whites, and obnoxious nurses who don’t have to atone for their behavior because they’re so tight with the management that they just get away with it. Not to mention the pain and prolonged discomfort that comes with a typical treatment. After making a couple of very specific “attempts” I now have keloid-stripes on my wrist, and a permanent ‘Give Me Funny Looks’ sticker on my back.

– I have cousins who are typical ghetto trash who have bastard children out of wedlock, and relationships with girls who have kids by other men that are in jail. People who come to my home and bully me on my treatment day, knowing that I couldn’t defend myself because I was so weak.

– I daydream of having a friendship with three women whom I’ve never met, one of them inspires me so much but barely notices me (just recently started again after seven months) even despite me spending hours doing things like drawing, editing, writing blogs, even making figures. look at “their” professional life and I think to myself:
“God that’s everything I want! To travel, to live a dream, to have friends, to be healthy.”
So I try to emulate her (I mean “them”) by exercising and eating clean, but the dialysis seeps in and I can’t walk my path, I have to trudge.

It irks me that I can’t even tell the three of them how much I adore them, how much I love them because it would be considered “creepy” and my God do I hate that telling someone you love them is creepy unless you’ve known them for a long time. Even though I tweet them together sometimes, I only ever get a response from one of them. Sometimes I worry that the other two are thinking just that “This guy’s creepy!”

– I try to write my scripts and my comics and draw my pictures, but I get tired when my blood pressure drops, or I pass out sometimes and wake up to paramedics surrounding me in my den, asking me: “Squeeze my hand, bud! Can you tell me your name?” I have so much that I want to do, so much of the creative gifts that The Creator has given me.
If I could work with those three, God that would be wonderful when I can work with them. Two of them are actors, so I will cast them. One of them is like a master seamstress, she makes her own costumes! I’ll hire her as wardrobe designer. And they’re all gamers and “geeks” like me, so we’d spend lunch talking about comics and comic-based movies.

I didn’t mean to sit and gush about these three, this was supposed to be a write up about my being down. I guess they really do cheer me up, cause I don’t feel like I did a few minutes ago when I started typing. I feel hopeful, like The Creator won’t let me down. I feel like this sometimes but I am thankful for my life, all of it, right up to this very second I type this word “word”. Had I not had these thirty three years that I’ve had, I probably wouldn’t know the meaning of the word “humility”.

If you read this, and didn’t pass negative judgment on me: Thank you. If you read this and think I’m pathetic and/or a “creep”, then please remember that it’s you who are aspersing me.

Violet Spirits

I don’t care how “creepy” this may sound. After experiencing unrelenting abuse, I have learned to be unapologetically expressive to the people I adore, admire, and are inspired-by. They say life is short but for some who are tormented and suffering, it can be quite tedious.

See the group of elite athletes in this picture? Only one (beloved) is missing, but their spirit is quite visible to the initiated eye. I have had the blessed privilege of interacting with some of them over the past four years. And the sheer pleasure of being entertained and even encouraged by them in some health ways.

At the darkest of time, I would not have gone on had it-not been for discovering them four years ago. They all have my respect, and my gratitude. Many of them have been an inspiration. Some of them have my eternal adoration.

These women are the embodiment of egalitarianism. They consistently disprove the presumption that females are inferior to males, and cannot perform on the same level. Long before it became popular these wrestlers were breaking records and inspiring people, regardless of gender, all across the world and with grace, humility, skill, integrity, and dignity.

These are the elite (with absence of one tripartite vessel) of what I have deemed ‘The Pantheon of Indy Goddesses’ because they exude the truest essence of independence.

Some of these wrestlers already know how purely I adore them, so I won’t gush too much right now but I’ll just say “Bless you all, and thank you from my spirit.”